Heart Aches and Opens in Cambodia

Out of all of the countries that I have visited, I felt the most unsettled about traveling to Cambodia. The little I knew about its history was heartbreaking and I was concerned that the reality of what happened there not too long ago might be too much for me to bear emotionally. Yet, despite my fears, I booked a ticket to Siem Reap from Laos.

My friends had left Luang Prabang in Laos a few days earlier than I to go tube rafting and partying down a river in Vang Vieng so I had to make the journey down to Cambodia on my own. As I sat in the airport in anticipation for my flight, I felt butterflies fluttering around my belly unlike anything I had experienced during my travels thus far. I was nervous. I sat and read about the country’s saga in one of my guide books and then it occurred to me why I felt the way I did; because the atrocities that took place there were so recent. The war and genocide only ended in 1979 and the country has never really recovered. The reality of that was very unsettling.

When we arrived in Siem Reap, after a very turbulent flight, I was very surprised by the very clean and modern airport. Immigration was very professional and collecting my backpack was a breeze. I almost forgot where I was for a minute and thought that perhaps my experience there wouldn’t be so bad after all.

I had pre booked myself into a guest house and had made arrangements for someone to come pick me up at the terminal with a tuk tuk. As I exited the airport, I was greeted with a huge smile by Tanvent, a young handsome Cambodian who I immediately liked. As we drove from the airport to Rosy Guest House, I was surprised by how quiet and tame Siem Reap seemed. This wasn’t the way I had imagined it. I learned later that local law enforcement implement strict protocol about beggars and homeless people in the city. Most are either forced off of the streets or put in jail. This is all done for the benefit of tourists and the idea made me uncomfortable.

After quickly checking in, I asked Tanvent to drive me to Angkor Wat for sunset. When I arrived at the gates of the temple, I was stunned by the number of tourists waiting on line to purchase tickets.I felt like I had arrived in “Spiritual Disneyland”. I raced up a mountain accompanied by hundreds of other visitors to ancient ruins. Despite the number of people, I felt instantly connected to my surroundings and was overwhelmed by the beauty of the sun setting over this new land that I found myself in.

The following morning I awoke at 4:30 am and made my way back to Angkor Wat to witness the sunrise there. I found a quiet spot away from the crowds, positioned myself in Lotus position and began to meditate. Walking through the temple was mesmerizing. The detailing and craftsmanship in the stone quite literally took my breath away.

The distance between each temple is quite vast, so Tanvent drove me from each holy site. Bayon temple brought me to tears. The Bayon's most distinctive feature is the multitude of serene and massive stone faces on the many towers which jut out from the upper levels and cluster around its central peak. The effect is spectacular.

After sunrise, I invited Tanvent to join me for coffee and he began to tell me a little bit about himself. He grew up in Pnom Pen but moved to Siem Reap to go to college. He is studying business and accounting yet would prefer to go to acting school but tuition is too high ($700 per year) so he has compromised his dream in order to earn enough to support his family. He misses his parents desperately, says not being near them “hurts his heart”, and finds himself feeling lonely most nights. He is kind, smart and speaks very good English. His grandparents were killed by the Kmer Rouge and his family live with the devastation of their deaths every single day.

As we sat there, a group of children came over wanting to sell me some souvenirs and knick knacks. I began to teach them English instead. As the crowd of kids grew around us, I was reminded once again why I love children: their hearts and minds are open to everything. They do not judge, they just absorb, appreciate and are totally present. Being around them is a gift.

I had met a young artist inside one of the temples who was selling paintings created by children at an orphanage nearby. The sale of the artwork helps fund the children’s education, food, clothing and accommodation. I inquired about volunteer needs, jotted down the address and made my way over there.

As Tanvent and I walked into ODA orphanage I was struck by the gorgeous artwork that the children have created; large, bright and vibrant detailed canvases depicting local cultural scenery set up in a makeshift bamboo gallery. As I turned the corner, I was warmly and loudly greeted by a large group of smiling children. A couple of the boys grabbed my hands and began to tour me around their home which is comprised of 2 rooms (12 girls sleep in one, 11 boys in the other), 1 very small outdoor kitchen with a medium sized dining table and an outdoor art “studio” where the children sit and pour out a flurry of paintings and drawings.

I sat and spoke with the owner of the orphanage who explained that he became an orphan when his parents were killed by the Kmer Rouge in 1977. He is a trained artist and although he does not make much money, he felt responsible for other orphans and built the facility with what little he had. He says that he struggles to keep the residence going every day but that he could not live with himself if he didn’t continue to take care of these children. I am consistently astounded by some people's bravery and inspired by their sheer will to do good for the sake of love.

After sitting and painting with the children for awhile, I offered to teach an impromptu yoga class which they happily joined in for. Despite the language barrier, all the kids joyfully made their way into various postures giggling and breathing deep. My heart flooded with gratitude for the gift of my yoga practice once more and the ability to share it.  I returned to ODA for the next couple of days and tried to stay focus on what I was able to offer as opposed to the yearning in my heart to do more.

My friends and I reluctantly decided to take a bus down to Pnom Pehn where the Kmer Rouge evacuations initially took place.  Although we knew that our visit there would be hard, I never imagined just how challenging it would be. Unlike Siem Reap, the energy of Cambodia's capital is deeply unsettling and chaotic. Cars, tuk tuks and motorbikes flood the streets and sidewalks are riddled with beggars and victims of landmines.

After getting conned into staying in a deplorable guest house that stunk of fish and stale cigarettes, we got ourselves together in search of a restaurant for dinner.  As we walked the streets in silence and shock, an old woman on crutches, who was missing a leg, followed us begging for change. I felt emotionally drained and physically exhausted after the long bus ride and ended up tripping off the sidewalk and falling onto the street. I twisted my ankle and screamed out in pain. Fear gripped me with the thought that I might have broken something. All of sudden, I was surrounded by a mob of people offering to help. I was sat down on a chair and the same woman who had been tailing us got down on the ground, began to massage my foot with tiger balm and, as if by magic, the pain subsided .  As she smiled a toothless smile up at me, tears began to pour down my face.  How can someone who has nothing be so full of love and compassion for a complete stranger?  My friends offered her some change in thanks for looking after me which she declined.

When we finally made it to a restaurant, we all sat down in astonishment at the evening's events. We knew the following day would be hard as well since we had made the unanimous decision to visit the Killing Fields and Kmer Rouge torture prison.

The Killing Fields were a number of sites in Cambodia where large numbers of people were killed and buried by the Khmer Rouge regime, during its rule of the country from 1975 to 1979, immediately after the end of the Vietnam War. At least 200,000 people were executed by the Khmer Rouge (while estimates of the total number of deaths resulting from Khmer Rouge policies, including disease and starvation, range from 1.4 to 2.2 million out of a population of around 7 million).

Walking the grounds of the Killing Fields in Pnom Penh is heartbreaking to say the least. Knowing how many innocent people, including women and children, were killed and tortured there is beyond upsetting. After visiting the torture prison and looking at hundreds of photos of the victims, my friends and I decided that we had had enough and that it would be a good idea to travel to Vietnam sooner than anticipated.

The next morning, we packed up our backpacks and hailed a cab to the bus station. As we stopped at a red light, I caught eyes with the same homeless woman/ angel who had taken such selfless care of my foot. I jumped out of the car, gave her a hug, and handed her some money. She looked up at me with tears in her eyes, brought her hands in prayer position at her heart, I did the same, and we respectfully bowed to one another.

As our bus, headed to Vietnam, pulled out of the station, I said a silent prayer of gratitude to a country that I have so much love and compassion for. Despite the pain that I felt in my heart while traveling there, I will be forever thankful for the insight and inspiration that it has gifted me. I am amazed at how warm, loving and open the people of Cambodia are in spite of the terror that they have endured. They are a huge testament to the expansiveness of the human heart. My life has been forever changed by the experience of traveling there.

Sending you love and light.
xoxo

Loving Laos

Despite the fact that Mary, Clare, Jamie and Anne are on a tighter time schedule than I, we made the group decision to journey to Laos via a slow boat ride up the Mekong River that would take us 2 days. We were told that this was an ideal way to arrive in Laos and we were all excited about the experience. The loading for the boat takes place in Chiang Kong which took 7 hours to get to by bus from Chiang Mai. We made the arrangements for our Laos visas upon arrival at our guest house and were notified about our early departure for the next day.

Crossing the border from Thailand to Laos via boat was a funny and chaotic event. After being literally squeezed unto an unstable wood boat across the Mekong with our enormous backpacks in tow then herded to a disorganized “immigration” desk, we suddenly found ourselves in Laos. The trip from Thailand to Laos took all of 10 minutes. It felt strange to suddenly be in a new country because nothing seemed different besides the change in currency.

The first day’s boat ride wasn’t easy; the ferry was overfilled beyond capacity so some passengers, including Mary and Clare, had the misfortune of being placed on the dirty wood floor which wasn’t much better than the hard wood benches that the rest of us were sitting on. I did my best to distract myself by reading, writing and making small talk with the other passengers. Mostly I spent my time taking in the peaceful views along the river which is riddled with smiling fisherman, gorgeous untouched rainforests and tiny miscellaneous villages. I began to contemplate life back home and thought about how hectic living in cities tends to be and how much I long to live somewhere with wide open space.

When we arrived in the miniscule town of Pak Beng for our overnight stay we scurried our way up a vertical sand dune followed by an even steeper hike up to our guest house. Even after having been warned about the possibility of being offered drugs in the area, I was still shocked when I was solicited by the owner of the guest house upon walking into my room and even more shocked when we were again approached at the restaurant that we ate dinner in. The corruption and illegal activity that takes place in this part of the world never ceases to amaze me.

The next day’s boat ride was much more comfortable. I spent the majority of the trip at the front of the boat with two very sweet girls from the Netherlands and an interesting couple from France who had been traveling for the same amount of time as I. We all shared stories about our individual adventures traveling throughout the world. I was reminded yet again at how fortunate I am to be on this random journey and for my current freedom.

Upon approaching the town of Luang Prabang, the sun began to set and I guided my new friends through a chant of the Gayatri Mantra. As we pulled into the harbor, we looked at each other with internal knowing that we had arrived in a very special place and smiled. I decided then that it was time for me to get back to some volunteer work which, despite the wonderful time I had had in Thailand, my soul was craving.

When we arrived in town, the first thing I did was ask locals if they knew of an orphanage in the area. An owner of a restaurant informed me of an Australian ex patriot named Ruth who had been living in Laos for 10 years. She owns a used book store and restaurant and contributes 20% of her earnings to an orphanage just outside of town.

The next afternoon, after visiting some of Laos’ extraordinary temples, I set out on my own to find Ruth. When I arrived at her bookstore, I was a bit taken aback to meet a slightly grouchy older woman who didn’t seem the least bit enthusiastic about my wanting to come and volunteer my time. She informed me that there are 580 children living at the orphanage and unless I was able to purchase enough food, clothing or supplies for all of the children that my time would be useless. I offered to teach the children yoga, which she found ridiculous, or to teach them English to which she informed me that the people who run the facility would be frustrated with unless I could speak Laos to translate. Although I felt exasperated, I wasn’t about to give up. My intention was to do some good while I was in there and I wasn’t going to quit that easily. Seeing that I wasn’t going anywhere, she gave me the name of an organization called My Library, told me how to get there and off I went.

Walking through the back alleys of this beautiful little town is sure to inspire even the coldest of hearts; run down French colonial buildings and homes, gorgeous tropical trees and flowers, awesome temples with Buddha statues that literally take your breath away, beautiful children running and playing in the streets, monks dressed in orange robes mindfully carrying umbrellas and peacefully walking, all overlooking the Mekong River with wooden boats carrying fisherman over her body. Luang Prabang is dazzling.

When I arrived at the My Library building I immediately knew that I was in the right place. After an enthusiastic welcome from some of the students on the first level, I was introduced to an American woman named Carol who founded the organization about 6 years ago when she became aware of the lack of access to books and computers that Laos children had in the area due to financial restrictions. Now, children and young adults are given the opportunity to learn how to read and write in English, how to use the internet and those who are interested can learn about photography. A gallery of photographs taken by some of the kids graces the walls of the small library. Seeing the world through the eyes of a child is such a gift so for them to be able to transmit that through the lens of a camera is simply astounding.

I sat down with a couple of boys initially and the questions began to unfurl on both ends. They began by asking me the obvious about where I am from, what I do, do I like Laos followed by basic grammar questions. I learned about their lives growing up in Laos. They ride their bikes anywhere from a 1/ 2 hour to 3 hours per day to come to town to work and to the Library to learn. They are eager, curious and incredibly gratefully for the opportunity. As our conversation continued, more children joined in and I began to fall in love with the Laos people, their culture, their beliefs and their hearts. Most of them follow the Mhong belief system; which basically means that they believe that multiple spirits inhabit each of our bodies. When someone gets sick, a local shaman is called to clear the negative spirits out. I learned that these “children” were our waiters, the ones who run all of the local guest houses and hotels and shopkeepers. Not a single one of them had ever left Luang Prabang but they are all eager to get out into the world.

While conversing with, laughing and learning with them, I realized once again why volunteer work is so important for me. Beyond the fact that it feels wonderful to be able to share my time with people who are so grateful for what little time I have to give, it reminds me of just how fortunate I am. I have learned so much from the incredible people I have spent time with over the past 8 months. I will be thankful to all of them for inviting me into their lives forever.

A few hours later, as I left with a big smile on my face, one of the boys caught up with me on his bicycle to thank me again for taking the time to teach them. I was really impressed with his English and his eagerness to learn. I took him to a local used book shop and bought him a copy of “Lord of the Flies”. At 16, he has never owned or read an English book from beginning to end. It makes me happy knowing that his first book will not only have a tremendous impact on him but will probably be shared with some of his friends as well.

The next morning I woke up at 6 am to join the only yoga class available in the area. On my way back to the guest house, I nearly tripped over a tiny black and white kitten that had found itself in the middle of a bustling street. I scooped it up into my arms and noticed that there was something wrong with its eyes so I bought some milk and a bowl and put the little cat down in a safer location. As I walked away, the kitten followed. Seeing that no one seemed to show it any interest, I decided to bring it back to our guest house to try to find it a home. When I arrived, I showed the owner and asked if she knew if anyone would want a kitten. She suggested that I bring him to the monastery up the street to see if the monks would take him in.

When I arrived there, all I had to do was look into one of the monks’ eyes and he said “would you like for us to care for this kitten?” And that was it. He gently embraced the cat in his arms, as another monk placed the bowl of milk on the ground. The love that these men in orange had in their eyes for this sad little animal made me love and appreciate them and their belief system all the more. If only we all had such unconditional love for all of God’s creatures.

I spent the rest of my week volunteering with the kids at My Library and ended being invited to come teach English in the local college; took a cooking class and learned how to make some delicious Laos cuisine and finished up the week bathing in a gorgeous waterfall and teaching some friends yoga at its base in the pouring rain.

Laos is by far one of my favorite countries that I have visited so far. I cannot recommend traveling there enough. I would have liked to stay longer but was eager to join my friends in Cambodia for the next chapter of this magical adventure that I am on but I will be back and I hope it is sooner rather than later.

Sending love and light from Thailand.

xoxox